Guilty Conscience
by NexusFaye
Summary: Shakarian - Garrus/Shepard - And so I'm not dead! This takes place post-destroy!ending, where Shepard is in the hospital and is paid a visit by her one and only turian. I did this about a month ago at the request of my friend, who also was my beta. Hope you enjoy cx Reviews are appreciated and always responded to when signed-in


"The guilt keeps me up at night, Garrus."

The turian stirred awake as Shepard suddenly spoke to him, her fingers tightening their grip between his three. Irises glazed over in exhaustion, his eyes drifted over to lock with Shepard's. Her usually vivacious orbs were now dulled with loss as she stared at him, expression empty as she seemed to search herself for answers. Garrus felt sleep abandon him quickly as he sat up, concern washing over him. She had been hospitalized for months now, though conscious for just over a week. Her healing had accelerated with the help of cybernetics, but she was far from full recovery.

He didn't need to ask what she was talking about, though—he wouldn't be able to say he knew her if he didn't. "Shepard…" He began, preparing a long, drawn-out pep-talk about how she did everything that she could, but she didn't let him continue.

"All these years… It's always been simple." She began, "One option's benefits outweighed the others, or one option would turn out better in the end. But…" She paused, running her free hand through her hair before letting it fall back into her lap with a sigh. "Was it really _worth_ it this time? Did I make the right decision?" She looked at him again, only now searching him for answers.

The air grew tenser as each second passed in silence. "What exactly happened up there, Shepard?" Garrus asked quietly, his gaze refusing to tear from her. She had done something up there… more than any of them had planned on. EDI shut down along with every last Geth unit—even the mass effect relays took heavy damage. The only thing that truly mattered to anyone, though, was that the Reapers dropped dead from where they stood. No one ever really stopped to wonder what had actually taken place on the Citadel… Until now, of course.

Her eyes flushed in woe as she was unable to look at Garrus any longer while she continued. "I… It… It was either I destroyed the Reapers and all synthetic life, become a Reaper, or change all life as we know it. Give them my DNA… Everyone lives in peace kind of thing." She shook her head, letting her thoughts run for a few moments. "I didn't think it'd be right to change everyone's genetics. And… I couldn't trust this kid's word that the peace would be kept. I… I just wanted them to be gone. _Forever._" She paused once again, head hanging in shame as her hand held it. "But no matter what I chose, somebody got hurt. The Geth and Quarians had finally found peace between each other… and EDI meant so much to Joker… I… I really fucked this one up, Garrus."

A few seconds passed as Garrus contemplated what to say. What could he say? "Someone's going to get hurt no matter what they do in life, Shepard." He finally murmured, squeezing her hand lightly. Another pause. "But since when has that ever stopped you? As I recall you'll always be the first one to push a merc out of a window."

Shepard let a laugh slip as she remembered that fondly before looking back over to the scarred turian. Her hand reached over and grazed his skin with her fingertips affectionately. He leaned into the touch, causing her to smile at him. What a lucky woman she was. "Being stuck in bed without a galaxy to save has given me a lot of time to think… Too much time, really. God, you should hear the voices." In truth, Shepard had been hearing voices since she dealt with Saren, but they were never prominent… They were just faint mutters in the back of her mind. As she lost more people to the war, however, and as her conscience became weighted with guilt, her restless nights turned nightmarish, and they only became more frequent during her recovery. "Maybe I live too much in the past is all." Her voice was quiet as she spoke, more to herself than anything as her hand traced his mandible.

He reveled in the sensation of her touch for a few lingering moments before looking back up at her, eyes glinting with an idea. "That's not necessarily a bad thing, you know. There's plenty of good memories to relive. You should know that better than anyone."

"Like what?" She inquired sarcastically, leaning back against the pillow with a skeptical grin. She knew she had plenty of good times throughout these past years, but really all of her pleasant memories had blended together into a giant mess. Garrus didn't respond, though, as he simply stood up, mischief clearly resident in his expression.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten, Shepard." He mocked, feigning hurt as he grabbed her other hand. "I might just have to show you, then, if you did."

Shepard shifted to the edge of the bed, eyeing him suspiciously. "Garrus Vakarian, I am literally _covered_ in bandages and you want me to just _jump_ out of bed for you?"

"That's the idea. And besides, are you telling me that the _Great Commander Shepard_ is going to let a few bruises keep her off her feet? I'm starting to think you're losing your touch." He was trying his best not to break out laughing as he mocked her, having far too much fun with this.

"I wonder how long it'd take for the nurses to show up if I kicked your ass," she muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes as she slowly got to her feet. Garrus waited patiently as she adjusted to the feeling of using her legs again before pulling her into his arms. Shepard stopped when she realized what he was doing.

"_**No**__."_ Her voice hardened as she immediately tried to escape, knowing this stance far too well. Garrus kept a firm hold on her, though, not that it was hard to restrain a recovering patient. It would have been stupid of him to not expect her to object to it anyways despite his high hopes.

"Come on, Shepard," He laughed, "you're not going to tell me that that dance at the bar wasn't _at least_ impressive, are you?"

She glared at him sharply, lips pulled back into a sneer. "It _was_ impressive, it's just not exactly _safe_ for a person formerly in critical condition." Garrus just laughed again, shaking his head as he took the first step. His grip on her was protective, but gentle as his movements were slow and easy-going. He didn't want to hurt her or reopen any wounds, after all.

"You know, out of all of my visitors this week, you're quickly becoming my least favorite. And I've dealt with Javik and Liara. At the same time."

Garrus didn't pay any mind to her complaints, however, and simply pressed his forehead against hers. He would always appreciate how open-minded she was about turian intimacy, even from the beginning. "You can be so cruel sometimes, you know that? How do I ever put up with it?" His hands tightened around hers slightly as he continued moving about the room. It wasn't as nearly as adrenalized as the first time they tried to tango together, but they both basked in the intimacy spreading through their bodies. Shepard opened her mouth, about to protest to his comment, but she quickly shut it and tightened her own grip as well. She was enjoying this and they both knew it. When it seemed like there was no one but the two of them in the entire galaxy, how could she not?

After several long, endless minutes the dance finally came to an end, but neither moved from the other's embrace. Garrus' hands fell to wrap one hand around her waist and run the other through her hair, whereas Shepard reached up to touch either side of his face with her hands, smiling at him serenely. "I love you," she spoke softly, "And I always will. You know that."

He gazed back at her for a few moments, eyes still lit up with humor. "Well, who am I to not take your word for it? You've beaten death twice now, haven't you?" He purred, a sound that she was glad to hear again.

"I have indeed." Her smile turned into a grin as she nestled her head into his chest, eyes fluttering shut. "I missed you, Garrus."

He sighed quietly as she said that, remembering painfully when he tried so many times to put her name on the Normandy's memorial wall but failed no matter what he did. He thought he had lost her for good, yet here she was, heart beating against his once again. Spirits, he was a lucky turian. He couldn't let her go if he tried.

"Yeah." He finally managed out, his arm tightening around her. "Same here."


End file.
